Not Me! Monday

It feels like that time again: time for another soul-cleansing confessional. To see where it all began, head on over to MckMama's blog--hers are always good for a few laughs. We'll see how funny (or pathetic) I was these past couple weeks...

• I did not look down from my in-laws' upstairs landing one day last week to see my husband concentrating very seriously on building the World's Tallest Lego Tower Involving Two Completely Different Sets of Legos.

(Just so we're clear, he's closer to 30 than not,

teaches college astronomy and physics for a living,

and is the father to three children.)

• I did not hide in our guest bedroom one day last week, pretending to nurse Charlotte, and instead have a mini photography session with her. 

• I did not (once again) undergo intensive potty training, a la Toilet Training in Less Than a Day, with both of the boys, only to collapse in a weepy, exhausted heap by the end of the day and give up. I had, of course, originally vowed to stick it through to the bitter end, ie, when Jack and Baylor were cheerfully and independently using the bathroom in the toilet. I did not allow two strong-willed nearly-two-year olds to scream, sob, wail, and tantrum their way out of potty training.


• I did not allow my children to eat whatever they wanted whenever they wanted when we were visiting my in-laws during spring break. I did not turn a blind eye when Jack and Baylor turned down sandwiches and fruit and instead feasted on cookies and crackers.


• My husband and I did not go upstairs on average of every 20 minutes the past few nights to giggle over what funny positions the boys found themselves in their new big boy beds. We did not go up once to discover them sleeping side-by-side in the same bed, mirror images of one another.


• I did not give up my original grand intentions of a fantastic, character-themed, balloon-infested 2nd birthday party for my boys in favor of a low-key, family-attended, labor-free party. The extend of my cool birthday plans do not begin and end with helium balloons. I am not taking advantage of my childrens' love of simple pleasures and their short memory spans.


• Stephen and I have given up meat (and other animal products on his part) for Lent, as per Orthodox guidelines. Therefore, we most certainly did not devour an entire supreme pizza, complete with sausage, because it was the only thing in the house when we returned from vacation. (Do you think Not Me! Monday counts as my formal confession to this? Probably not. I don't know if our priest reads this blog.)

• My husband and I did not use our tax return to pay off our existing medical bills, many of which have been hanging around our necks, so to speak, for nearly two years now. (Think a two-week NICU stay, times two, plus double hernia surgeries, time two, plus the normal expenses incurred with one caesarean section and one normal birth and the hospital stays connected with each. Oh, yeah, and Baylor got tubes in his ears. And Jack got stitches in his ear. And we vaccinate our kids. And they get sick a lot.) Obviously we are not so square as to use our windfall on bills. We are, of course, pumping it back into the economy. And even if we did use it to pay bills, we would not do an ecstatic Happy Dance at the prospect of a few hundred dollars free money each month.

• I did not allow my husband to cut up cool pictures out of old, discarded library books and hang these pictures on our walls. We are devoted bibliophiles who would never mutilate books simply for their illustrations.

• I did not turn our unusual absence of coffee beans to my advantage this week by happily partaking, on various occasions, of Devon's Bakery fare, including two mochas, one latte, one muffin, and one cinnamon roll, plus a pad of butter for said muffin. This would be wasteful. I always brew my own coffee. And I never eat real butter.

Oh, that feels good. I'm glad there are no secrets, no feelings of superiority between us. Please, please, follow my example and join in. I promise, you'll be a better person for it.