Not Me! Monday

Welcome to my week of Not Me! Monday (Raechel and I trade off each week, unless she decides to blog about her family instead, which really, that's just shocking), where I like to do a little MckMama-inspired confession. I'm a perfect mom, right? I have three little angelic babies, my house never smells like burnt popcorn, and I always shave my armpits. In short, I always have it totally under control.

Yeah. You just keep telling yourself that.

Meanwhile, in a place I like to call Reality...

• My husband and I have not failed to fix the broken door on our nightstand, therefore leaving the contents of said nightstand open to the elements, ie, curious little boys. Jack did not wander into our bedroom one day last week and come out triumphantly holding a condom package.

• (I did not just type the word "condom" on my blog.)

• (Jack did not place said condom package very gently and lovingly on my lap.)

• On the topic of contraceptives, I did not poll my blog readers on whether or not making a baby this year would break Steve's No Babies in 2009 Resolution. The vast majority of you did not side with me, using semantics to justify your argument. I have not broached this subject with Stephen on several occasions, often leading into the discussion with, "Well, you know what the blogsophere says..."

• My husband does not have to make a New Year's resolution about not getting pregnant. We are not That Family.

• I did not mistakenly leave out a full container of half-and-half on the counter overnight; I did not proceed to sniff it in the morning and then call it good, since my coffee just wouldn't be the same without a little creamer.

• I did not serve said half-and-half to several people throughout the week, including, but not limited to, our priest, my parents, and a few unsuspecting friends.

• I did not find myself, on several occasions, coaxing my toddlers to do things with promises of treats, fun activities, and visits from their grandmother. I did not utter the words, "Do you want to come inside? If you come in, I'll give you a cookie!" I do not ever bribe my children. 

• I did not devour a third of a bag of M&Ms. These M&Ms were not set aside as potty training treats.

• I am not putting off potty training because I just like the convenience of diapers.

• I did not spend my Friday night knitting and watching episodes of Star Trek: The Next Generation with my friend, Katie. I am not a nerd who cultivates friendships with other knitting, Jean-Luc Picard-loving nerds.

• I have not spent the better part of two months knitting a scarf (my first knitting project) for my dad. I am not just now getting past the half-way point. I am not ignoring the fact that he will probably not be able to wear it until next winter.

• I did not buy my daughter a new toy, ostensibly labeling it her 6-month "birthday" present. I do not feel just the slightest bit sorry for her, as she has to play with all kinds of hand-me-down toys.

• I did not wear a pair of jeans that were just slightly tight solely because they were a size smaller than what I had been wearing since Charlotte's birth.

• And finally, I am not letting myself get cranky and snappish simply because we are getting snow on the first day of March. I am not one of those people who complains about winter every year.

As always, Happy Monday! Try confessing yourself. I assure you, it's almost like bringing all your sins to Jesus. Not quite, but so very nearly.