Not Me! Monday

Last week Raechel was a little slow to get our her Not Me! Monday post (actually, it turned into a Not Me! Wednesday), so I feel good knowing that I'm starting mine on Sunday night. We'll see how long this feeling lasts as I launch into my MckMama-inspired confessional. By the time I'm done, I might feel like putting off hitting "publish post" until, say, next never.

• I have not been giving my five-month old Tylenol regularly out of desperation due to her sudden change in temperament over the last couple days. I do not find myself at a complete loss as to what is wrong with her, other than the obvious explanation of teething. I am not hoping and praying that that last dosage I gave her ten minutes ago will stop the screaming PLEASE GOD STOP THE SCREAMING.

• I have not caught myself saying "no" about sixteen thousand times a day lately to my suddenly (we do things unexpectedly around here) curiosity-prone toddlers. For a sample rundown of what a typical day in our house is not like, go here.

• After you read that, then you'll understand why I am not utterly exhausted at the end of every day.

• I did not shop for Super Bowl appetizer ingredients four hours before kick-off. I did not do this shopping at UltraFoods, the most insane grocery store I have ever encountered on a perfectly normal day. I did not wait for 15 minutes in the express check-out lane so that I could buy four items. I did not make friends with a talkative older gentleman who was also waiting in the "express" lane to buy a single loaf of bread.

• I did not go the grocery store, make special appetizers, and troop said food and family over to my folks' house just so that I could watch a handful of funny commercials. I did not find myself wondering just when in the world Arizona had gotten a football team halfway through the first quarter.

• My favorite commercial did not involve a man kissing a monkey. We did not rewind the TV about four times so we could watch that one over and over. (This one was a close second.)

• And just for the record, I am not ludicrously excited about the new Star Trek movie coming out, especially after seeing the trailer tonight. I am not a Trekkie.

• I am not forever in love with Captain Jean-Luc Picard.

• I was not just the slightest bit sad to lend some maternity clothes to a friend this weekend. I am not a little bit irritated that my husband made me promise to adhere to one of his 2009 New Year's Resolutions: "I resolve not to have any babies in 2009."

• I did not buy an indoor ivy plant this past week, despite my track record of killing houseplants. I do not have to suppress an urge to water it two or three times daily. I do not rationalize it to myself by thinking, "Hey, I eat every day--why not my plant?"

• I did not think that Oliver looked so darn cute in his puffy vest this week that I ran out and got my boys' similar vests just so they could be half as fashionable as O. And just for the record, they do not look absolutely darling. (Thanks, O! Sometimes Jack and Baylor's mama just needs a little inspiration.)

• Stephen and I did not throw all pretense of independence out the window and allow our various house guests to feed, change, clean, discipline, and entertain our children, as well as cook and clean the kitchen.

• I did not hold my baby's carseat (with her in it) in just such a manner so that she would be visible to everyone in the restaurant after church this morning. I am not insanely in love with Charlotte and her cute self to the point of foisting her cuteness on everyone else.

• I did not have to forcibly talk myself out of buying yet another just-so-darn-cute sleeper for Charlotte because, well, she has too many clothes as it is already.

• I did not receive the first three volumes in my vampire love saga for my birthday. I was not completely expecting this. I did not inform my husband on many occasions throughout the past several weeks that if he failed to get me said books, I would make his life miserable.

Oh, that list is too long already. I'm stopping before I think of anything else. Don't forget to go over to My Charming Kids and check out MckMama's own confessions as well as those of lots of other bloggers.

And have a wonderful Monday! Just think, we're starting a new week that is that much closer to spring. The melting icicles are giving me hope.