Not Me! Monday

I think it's my week (maybe not, but I'm still forging ahead), so I'm taking up the Not Me! Monday mantle and confessing to my shortcuts. Go here to see MckMama's from this week. Sometimes hers make me want to crawl in a hole, I'd be so embarrassed to admit to them.

• I did not cut corners, money-wise, by buying five 84" curtain panels and only one 95" (all on clearance, so I grabbed what was available) and tell myself that of course I know how to sew and can make them all 95" panels.

• I do not only bust out the sewing machine once every eight months or so.

• I did not have to bite my tongue to keep from swearing while trying to teach myself how to set up the sewing machine yet again. I do not have to do this every time I drag out the ancient Singer my mom passed down to me. My mom did not get this machine in the early 80s. This machine was not already used when she bought it.

• I did not drag my husband over to see my finished product when, after an hour and a half, I finally finished one of the six panels.

• I did not bring my children over to my folks' house so that they could feed, change, and entertain them while I knit by the fire.

• Knitting by the fire is most certainly not an old lady thing to do.

• I did not nurse my baby on a couch in the middle of an Ikea living room display. I did not realize that there is a more private nursing area only afterward. I am not to the point where I just don't care anymore. (Hey, I cover up.)

• I did not make my baby wear her ridiculous hot pink flower hat when we spent the day at Ikea simply because everyone has to comment on her when she is wearing it. I do not selfishly delight in complete strangers gushing over how beautiful my daughter is. I am not the slightest self-conscious about her male pattern baldness and wonder if people would even be able to tell that she's a girl without her hot pink flower hat on. I do not already cover my bases by dressing her to the nines (in the most decidedly girly clothing ever) every time we go out. Despite all of this, I did not have a woman ask me what gender Charlotte was, despite the fact that she (Charlotte) was wearing a pink bow, pink shirt, pink shoes, and ruffles.

• I did not foolishly order a Truffle Espresso with an extra shot from Starbucks the other day, drink most of it throughout the afternoon, then wonder why in the world my baby girl keep waking up during the night. Oops.

• I am not scarfing down every bit of chocolate/dessert/any remnant of sweet that's in our house because of the impending nature of our New Year's resolution involving things like cutting down on sweets and exercising. My husband did not have to bribe me to work out by offering monetary incentives.

• My heart is not breaking almost daily now that Jack and Baylor can clearly pronounce words like "Mama" and "bubble." I did not almost cry when Jack walked over to me tonight, handed me a cardboard oval shape, and very slowly said, "O-vaaaal."

• Stephen and I are not about to cry out to the good Lord above for intervention every time Baylor pulls his "boneless" move. (He gets mad, goes limp, and nearly kills himself, as he's usually in our arms about five feet off the ground when he does this.)

• I do not constantly have the title song to You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown in my head. This is not the record that the kids always choose to listen to every time they want music to dance to. They did not get mad at me the other day when I tried to sneak in a little Justin Timberlake instead.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is a short rundown of our week, at least through the eyes of a confessor. If you're dying for more, go to Rae's blog and check out her latest Not Me! Monday. We mothers. We're characters. We just like to pretend that we're infallible and all-knowing, but now you know the truth: we cut lots of corners.

And we listen to lots of Charlie Brown.

And drink lots of coffee.