Not Me! Monday

If you enjoy keeping up with the blog My Charming Kids as much as I do, then you understand how cathartic an experience Not Me! Monday can be. I've held off on participating as long as possible, just because I didn't want to admit to my imperfections, but today a sprit of confession is permeating my being. So here goes:

• I did not decide to reward Baylor and Jack with processed chicken parts from McDonald's just for not being traumatized by the church nursery (which is normally the case). I did not compromise our strict envelope budgeting system by "borrowing" from the Christmas Savings envelope just to buy said chicken parts. Incidentally, Jack and Baylor did not show their appreciation for my compromise of values by throwing their nuggets on the ground.

• I did not eat the rest of their nuggets, smothered in Ranch dressing, thereby making all efforts to lose the weight of three babies null and void.

• I did not let my baby girl sleep in bed with me, instead of making her fuss herself to sleep on her own, just so I could get a twenty minute nap.

• I did not take the Lord's name in vain ("Oh, dear God in heaven!") after finding that the third kid in an hour had had an explosively poopy diaper. 

• I did not take great pains to plan my anemic wardrobe to my advantage during Homecoming weekend just so my friends wouldn't think I looked fat and housewifely after having so many kids in so little time. I was not a little bit miffed when, instead of commenting on my good looks, they instead lavished all of their attention on my children.

• I did not argue with my husband when he suggested I donate the dozen homemade apple cinnamon muffins I had baked to our friends, who were hosting almost 20 people for Homecoming, instead of just keeping the muffins for ourselves. I did not win that argument and proceed to eat most of the muffins myself.

• I did not pressure our friends who were visiting for Homecoming to start having children of their own just so that, in future years, we wouldn't be the only ones constricted by naptimes, nursing, and temper tantrums.

• I did not "forget" to call back a friend just because I don't have the energy to catch up on the phone and would rather selfishly use my slivers of free time to read and waste time on the internet.

• I did not fail to notice that my roving toddlers were eating mystery scraps from the trash and toting around dirty diapers because I was completely immersed in reading my vampire love saga.

• I did not pretend that the baby was still nursing, even though she had in fact fallen asleep, just so I could get out of cleaning the kitchen and bathing the boys.

• I did not use up Charlotte's precious envelope of Baby Money on frivolous baby girl clothes. I did not then discover another forgotten drawer of baby girl clothing in her dresser only after cutting off the new clothing's tags and washing the new clothes.

• I did not refuse to give up the one cup of coffee I drink each morning, even though that small amount of caffeine may be what is causing Charlotte's colic. I do not justify this decision by maintaining that I might go completely insane if I don't at least have that small comfort every day. I am not a Drama Queen.

• I did not stand on my front porch and loudly threaten harmless woodland creatures with death via shotgun shells for doing what comes naturally to them, i.e., hollowing out my festive outdoor pumpkins in order to extract the delectable seeds. I did not then sneak a furtive glance at my neighbors' houses to make sure no one had heard me yelling at squirrels.

• I did not whisper through most of yesterday's church service with my mother. Much of our conversation did not center around what new stores are opening in our area in coming weeks. I did not then completely ignore the sermon and instead launch into a daydream of how I could earn extra money in order to buy as many Christmas decorations as possible from the new Hobby Lobby opening on November 3rd.

That about does it for the cleansing and purging of my soul this week. Tune in next week for more confessions and for an honest glimpse into how I function on a daily basis!